The day I gave birth to my last…

It was a sunny day, it was supposed to be my admission day, and I was supposed to have my CS two days after that day, but I think he was so excited to see the world and his mommy, that he decided to come out two days earlier than scheduled.


Before going to the hospital, a week before I had already taught my 11 year old (who had just celebrated her birthday) how to do the laundry, cook rice, and instructed her on how to take care of her 5 year old brother. I had also instructed my husband on what to do with the kids and the house while I am gone. Everything was all set for the coming of the baby.


And so, on the 21st of May, we went to the hospital for my admission. When the doctor had an IE on me, she told me that I have to go to the emergency room, at the ER another doctor had an IE, and said, I have to be ready for the CS… she also asked me how many kids I have already and when I said this is the 3rd child, suggested that I had tubal ligation too, but I declined because we wanted another child even though I fear going on another surgery, I still don’t want to be final about not having another child.


So at the operating room, I was given sedative, anesthesia and everything that goes with surgery. I had told the doctor that I am deaf, but can lip read, and also the anesthesiologist, and everyone else that talked to me there. They were all kind enough to talk slowly so I can lip read them better, especially the anesthesiologist. The doctor who would do the CS on me, upon learning that I have hypothyroidism told me that I had to have tubal ligation to avoid having a mentally retarded child, and also having heart problem. When I told her that I haven’t discussed it yet with my husband, and I don’t want it yet, she was somewhat annoyed, and told me that if ever I get pregnant again, they will not accept me at this hospital. So I asked her why, she explained and at the end asked me where my husband is, I told her outside, she said… “I’ll go talk to your husband” and after a while she came back and said, she will do it, ligate me, shown me my husband’s signature for that procedure… although I said ok I was really sad.


Then the operation started, I don’t know why but I haven’t fallen asleep while I was being cut… I saw everything at the reflection on the overhead lights (or lamps?) first they made a small cut just above the pelvis, the blood was oozing and she kept on wiping it, slowly… then another cut, then I passed out. When I woke up again they were not yet finished, I saw that baby’s head were out and that she was turning it slowly and wiping the head.


And at that time I was having difficulty in breathing and my chest was painful… so I voiced out, what I was feeling and the anesthesiologist (I know it was him) repeated to me what I said… he took off the tube in my nose and changed it with something like a mask, and another woman on my left was taking my blood pressure every minute. My hands (which were tied to the something like board that extended from the bed) were shaking… really shaking hard, they were actually rattling on the board, I told my mind to tell my hands to stop from shaking but I cannot control it, they keep on shaking and shaking so hard that I was getting afraid, my teeth too started chattering. And I kept on telling them about my chest pain and my difficulty in breathing… they changed tubes and mask for 3 times.


When they had taken the baby off, the anesthesiologist tapped me and told me “the baby’s out already” although I wasn’t looking at him I heard him say it. This I can say, that even though a person is physically deaf, his/her soul can hear.


The pain in my chest was gone and I can breath ok at this time, but after a while it started again, I wasn’t looking at the reflection of what they were doing anymore, but I figured the doctor was doing the ligation at this time, hands shaking, painful chest, difficulty in breathing, I passed out.


After hours of sleeping when I woke up and was alright to go to my room, they took me out of the recovery room and there I saw him, my little angel, my last one… in his father’s arms… so fair skinned, chubby, chinky eyed and sooo cute.


I cried… not because I saw my child, but because I remembered he’s my last.